I have started and stopped this post 6 times in as many months. What I desire is some straight talk around what it means to truly embrace the concept of self love and self honouring. Self care – if you will.  In the absence of deep ongoing acts of self nourishment, here’s what it’s not:

** pedicures **

** 10 minutes of solitude **

** massages **

** 60 min meetups with our bestie**

I love it all (especially the massages).  I really do. But can we please stop pretending that these “moments” are enough.  They aren’t. These things feel good and often become our lifeline, but in the absence of deeper acts of self honouring,  they are simply bandaids.

Twenty examples of what it really means to love and honour yourself: 

1. Setting boundaries that respect your time and energy – whatever that looks like.

2. Saying no to things that might actually be fun or benefitting you, but you just don’t want to.

3. Saying yes to things that cost money – more money than you are used to spending on something that is ‘just’ for you.

4. Being unapologetic and having no need to justify your decisions.

5. Asking yourself what you need – and listening.

6. Carving out space and time for you – even if it means saying no to a loved one (or inconveniencing them)

7. Creating a schedule for your family that honours ALL of you – not just your children or your spouse/partner.

8. Asking for support from your loved ones and knowing that you are deserving of it.

9. Not taking on everyone else’s bullshit or drama.

10. Letting relationships go that are breaking you down.

11. Shoring up the places where you are leaking your precious energy.

12. Asking for what you want.

13. Knowing what your non-negotiables are and not compromising on them – ever.

14. Being conscious to what your soul desires and listening.

15. Gifting yourself the sleep you need.

16. Letting others take out the garbage, grocery shop or clean the baseboards – even if you do it better.

17. Not being a martyr – even if you’re really good at it.

18. Letting go of language that belittles you, makes you feel inferior or ridicules your tender heart.

19. Understanding that your happiness is a priority and making choices that align with that knowing.

20. Being kind and loving to you – and not just when its easy to do so, but for all the times your soul needs your voice and compassion.

I define it as: Self love is an ongoing practice of a million of small decisions that help you set boundaries, prioritize energy expenditure and allow you to give to others without doing so at the expense of your soul.  When that becomes your benchmark for self love and honouring, the massages and pedicures take on a whole new meaning.

I honour the fact that we are all doing our best with what we know, what’s been modelled to us and how we relate to our own needs. I think it begins with shifting the conversation and having some straight talk about how what it really means to honour the self.

I’m curious.

What does self love mean to you and how does it show up in your life?

xo

DRF