If you could hear the words I would say in the stillness of my mind you’d be saddened to know that it was ME I was talking to. The words I chose to say to myself would often be harsh, biting, shaming and belittling. I’d be quick to label and slow to forgive and the result was that my self esteem took hit after hit.
This went on for years – until somewhere in my mid-20’s I got a glimpse of the relationship I had created with myself. It was precarious at best. I couldn’t rely on myself and there was evidence all over my life of how I consistently let myself down.
Sure >> on the outside I might’ve appeared confident but my truth was that I had been a crappy friend, lover and confidante to myself for most of my life. It saddened me to know how little I truly thought of myself and I lived my life like I had the biggest secret to keep sacred.
It took years of peeling back the layers – to create trust and love within myself to be able to know that I had my back. Years before I could be the one to create the soft place to land FOR myself and choose words of encouragement, gentleness and nurturing.
When I think of how mean I was to myself for all those years my heart hurts for that girl and woman who all too often looked outside herself for what she needed. If this is you, I see you. ? It’s not easy to overcome years of destructive habits but it IS possible – and all it takes is the desire to change the dialogue. You’re worth it. A little at a time moves the dial.