It has occurred to me that over the years I have been forced to up-level the way I treat myself. Although I’ve never been one to play the martyr or put absolutely everyone else first, I have been guilty of wanting other’s love, recognition and acceptance. #beinghuman. The degree to which we do this – at the expense of ourselves, however, is quite proportional to the amount of self-love we have.
I think of this in relationship to my children. They are my greatest gifts, my deepest loves and my proudest accomplishments. Honestly … those loving little souls will take your last dying breath if you let them. Really though, you could give and give and give yourself away at the expense of your self if you aren’t conscious of it. Maybe it’s not your kids, but your career or you family or your relationships. It happens. Often. And it works – meaning, life continues onwards, but at an expense. The true cost ends up being an individual who has lost her traction to what’s important to her, drawing from a reserve of energy that doesn’t exist and the inability to figure out how to turn it around.
The indicators are clear when you ask yourself one simple question,
“how do you show up for yourself?”
- Do you put yourself and your needs towards the bottom of a very long list of responsibilities?
- Do you find yourself rarely asking yourself the question, “what feels right for me?”
- Do you regularly schedule yourself time for your hobbies, passions and desires?
- Do you often say YES to others when it’s you really would love to say NO?
- Do you hear yourself making apologies for saying no to others?
- At the end of the day do you find yourself desperate to squeeze in a moment of time for you … and usually that time doesn’t seem available?
And lastly, do you put your needs in your calendar after everyone else’s priorities are taken care of?
Saying NO to you – your needs, your desires and YOUR WANTS is akin to telling the universe
that YOU aren’t really that important.
If you hear yourself saying any of the following on a regular basis: “I don’t have time to exercise”, “I wish I could do that” and “you’re lucky.”
… I’m tempted to say a giant loving ‘bullshit’
*You have the time.
*You can do that.
and
*It isn’t luck.
It’s all about choice.
Are you willing to consistently NOT show up for you so that you can always accommodate others?
Stop it.
Your friends, family, kids and workplace CAN actually function without you … newsflash. In fact, let them figure it out. It’ll be one of the greatest gifts you give them. Your job is not to create dependent relationships. Your job is to curate a kick ass human BE’ing that loves herself, cherishes her gifts, honours her needs and stands firmly in who she is. THAT person is capable of loving and giving to others in a way that a depleted, dishonoured and ungrounded woman will never be able to.
And an interesting thing happens when you start really showing up for yourself – so do others.
You’re worth it,
xo DRF
PS. > Although I wrote this from the perspective of a woman – you know this applies to all human beings. <3
