“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
Brene Brown
The importance of creating and holding boundaries in our life can never be underestimated and yet, it’s probably the thing I think we most struggle with. We associate it with letting others down or disappointing. Many of my clients associate it with disconnecting from others.
Why We Need Boundaries
But really, boundaries allow the right people to come even closer in a way that doesn’t override who you are.
They allow you to build a level of mutual respect between yourself and the people you choose to have in your life.
They help you truly know yourself, teach others how to treat you, build your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Your life becomes one of peace and ease.
Realistically though, creating healthy boundaries and upholding them is not something that comes naturally to most of us. It’s a lesson we learn and a habit we cultivate. For myself, there was a time when my iPhone calendar was my most important check-in point between the ask of my time and energy and my response. I bypassed myself and allowed my calendar and the person’s request to be ahead of my own needs. As you can imagine, it resulted in saying yes to things that were far from ideal for me.
Things I didn’t have the bandwidth for.
Things that didn’t align with my values.
Things I simply didn’t want to do.
And it all came down to my lack of proper boundaries. I was chronically saying yes to others at the expense of my own needs.
It’s become something I work on a lot with my clients. Something I get them to think about (and what I want you to think about today) is this:
Who would you prefer to let down?
Is it the unnamed person on social media?
The co-worker who doesn’t own stock in your life?
The neighbour who is more worried about their life and choices than they are about yours?
Your intimate partner, best friend or sister? Or you?
It comes down to this simple fact.
Creating healthy boundaries is about you respecting you.
You Are Worthy
Joy and fulfilment come from living a purposeful life and all those times you say “yes” when you really need to say “no”?
They matter.
They accumulate as deep inner resentment and with time, you feel a growing sense of frustration, anger, burn out and being taken for granted by others. By setting a healthier boundary, you are honouring yourself and your needs along the way.
Because you are worthy of creating space between you, your needs and your soul … and that of others. You are worthy of letting the universe know that you unequivocally matter.
In fact, the hardest part about setting healthy boundaries is getting past the voice that tells you otherwise.
When you can do that though…that’s when you land in the sweet spot of your soul journey.
